It felt like slipping away. I was drowning deep, deep under the ocean. The water covers me like a kafn. Something was obviously happening. But I couldn’t fathom it all together. The neurons that were branching inside my head like cactus roots, weren’t working anymore. Traitors. Something is pushing me, holding me down – an invisible force perhaps. Something is banging on the oak doors. I can hear it demanding to be let in. They tell me there can be no doors under the ocean. Just water, water and water. But I can see doors, weeds that look like shackles, corals like chainsaw. The ocean bed has its mouth wide open to gulp me in. I can hear voices. But most of all, I can stil hear the banging. It wants to be inside me, it wants to be felt.
“Go, go away.” I whisper to myself.
My own thoughts betray.
“You can’t run away from this, let it in.”
“No!”, whispers exploding out of my chest and turning into echoes, like echoes of rain penetrating the ocean surface.
Oh it’s storming above. I couldn’t see it. But I felt it. And I also knew this storm had something to do with my very own life. The trees, they were cracking. Gushing wind transforming into bubbles under water. Everything was turning, changing, transforming. Everything I saw and everything I knew. Silence turning into phantoms of past calling. Water turning into fear. Flowing with graceful fluidity all around me. But there was also something else.
A void. Yes. A void.
The doors above me flung open, and like mighty boulders descending from Sinai they pressed over my chest, smashing my ribs together.
“It found its way in.” The only resistance I could pull together was a faint shaking of head. Fainter, and fainter.
It was shrieking, rejoicing, filling me in, filling me in. I searched relentlessly for a void. I had to find it. It was my only chance of survival! There had to be a void. Or else every bit of me would get sucked into oblivion. I would cease to exist.
But it was too late and the pain had found its way in through those doors. Suddenly, as if in harmony with the lightning above, the dark ocean bed lit up for a second. Everything underneath flashed, grinned and came to life. The weeds reached out, its fingers locking around my neck. The earth beneath me halved itself.
There was a sharp sound of me bursting into pieces. The lights went out.
And then nothing remained.