Schizophrenia. It had to be it. Because today time stood still for me.
Well, that is if time as we know it existed in this realm. In the oblivion. I felt myself writhing inside the bits and pieces of my flesh scattered around, after the ocean-bed had torn me apart. There were million shards of me. As the waves passed over them, they appeared like dancing red rubies. Only softer in texture as the smithereens of my flesh decayed. And those moonlight bleached bones, they shone like distant stars under the blue-toothed water. A glow so pale, so faint; it acknowledged that I no longer belonged to this realm.
I didn’t have eyes, but I saw everything. I didn’t have lunges, but I was breathing. This time with much less efforts. I witnessed my own skin rotting, but I felt everything. I felt everything at once. Every life that thrived in the world I knew and left, stirred inside me. Every death found peace inside me. I was everywhere at once.
“My soul! My soul!” Realization hit.
A voice hissed in my head.
There was a spot of beam in the distance, staring at me with its wild shiny eyes. I swam towards it, reaching out. It was not a spot. They were spots.
It was as if the moon had melted in between a child’s palms and spilled all over like silvery mercury. They glowed brighter, brighter. My soul was not coalesced inside a body anymore. My soul was turning into droplets. Releasing every pain inside me like radiating light. An immense light, a chilling heat.
And I was turning into dust. I was becoming who I’d been before I was myself – an image, an idea, and a wish of God. Dust and dirt; floating like a mote of nebula under the ocean. I was flying, like every bit of dust must learn to fly one day; being carried above, further above on the promising wings of God.