Being 17 is stressful

by codebllack

There are nights when I stay up till 12 or 2 AM, to feel like an adult. I don’t understand why mostly teens are considered nocturnal. I have seen 40 years olds with heavy stuttering eyelids and their blood high on caffeine completing paper works at 2 am.  But I’m only 17 and I don’t have any job issues, financial problems or cheating spouses. Last year my biology teacher told me that teens don’t have the least bit of idea about what stress is because they don’t have children to raise. Well, I think I have my kind of stress you know.

Like how I have a much anticipated football match to watch in two hours but I am already having a tough time staying awake. When I tell the boys in my school about my interest in football, they’d ask me about players’ names from the 80’s. If I can’t tell, they’d tease. That’s quite stressful – keeping up with the high school going-through-puberty-assholes.

Also, I’m in love with my best friend and my life is a kind of a mess right now. People tell me being in love with your best friend is the greatest thing ever. But now that I see it, it certainly isn’t. Not when the feeling isn’t mutual between the two. Unless you’re up for self-destructive program like myself. A piece of advice from a depressed teenager? If someone cannot give you the love you deserve, walk away.

Go ahead, call me a hypocrite. I never heed to my own bullshit advises.

You know, sometimes 4 AM can get really lonely. Especially if you wake up abruptly in middle of a sweet dream where you kiss your crush and find yourself crying. All alone. The night feels like a knife’s stab on your chest. But you still don’t want the morning to come. Light is too exposing.

Yet, sometimes when the silver moonlight pours itself through the blinds uninvited, the night sounds a lot like you, darling.

Feeling helpless and hopeless can be quite stressful too. Adults forget that as soon as they grow old. Just like I will forget about how it is like to be 17, as soon as I’m 18. But for now I’ll turn the lights off.